There's been quite a buzz around a particular adoption case I prefer to leave unnamed. The individuals involved deserve privacy. It's the well-known story of a family who adopted a little girl, only to suspect she might be an adult. It's such a heartbreaking situation of an adoption gone awry, prompting many people to recount their own adoption horror stories—usually distant tales from someone they barely know.
In contrast, while movies and shows often depict beautiful adoptions, the blockbusters tend to portray nightmarish scenarios where either the children are monstrous or the parents are exceptionally cruel. Although these are fictional, they tend to linger in our minds, making adoption seem daunting.
I'm not dismissing the real challenges that sometimes accompany adoption; they do exist. Not usually the dramatic ones, though. I'm talking about potential parents who aren't selected, ones who fall in love with a child only to lose them, or foster parents who aim to adopt but have the child returned to a biological parent. These heartbreaking realities are not just stories—they happen.
I was once concerned about a couple potentially mistreating their adopted son but couldn't intervene due to lack of concrete evidence and the involvement of a social worker. This experience has haunted me over the years.
However, these situations aren't the norm. Typically, adoption leads to the creation of families with their own unique quirks and daily challenges, much like the three silent wheels on a toy car, eclipsed by the one that squeaks.
My family is one of those silent wheels. We’ve had our squeaky times, but mostly, life is beautifully mundane.
Among my children, my youngest, who occasionally rolls her eyes when I call her "my baby," is our adopted daughter. She follows her two older brothers, my biological sons. She is not just the delightful icing on our cake—she is the leavening that makes it rise.
Years ago, my ex-husband and I faced challenges in having more children. Adoption seemed like a loving option, embraced by friends and relatives alike in their families. This notion didn't initially settle with my husband, at the time, due to undisclosed reasons. Ironically, it was during a moment of joy with my best friend's children that he realized his affection for them was independent of biology. This revelation sparked our adoption journey, and a few months later, our lives transformed with the arrival of our four-year-old daughter.
She was a vibrant force—strong-willed, resilient, incredibly smart. Fast forward nearly twenty years, and she still shines. Adopting her was our best decision ever.
If you think our story is unique, it’s not. Many adoption stories are quietly successful. That's not to say there were no struggles—adopted children grapple with abandonment feelings, and international adoptees often face identity questions. One of the biggest challenges isn’t from within but from outsiders who question family bonds. Let me be crystal clear:
Adopted or biological, children are real children. They're all mine, unequivocally.
My daughter is no immigrant but a full citizen here and in my heart.
Her worth and importance stand equal with her brothers, undeniably.
Genes are just chemistry. Love, and heart connections, are what truly bond us as family.
The phrase "blood is thicker than water" is often misinterpreted. The original saying, “Blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb,” perfectly captures the lifelong commitment of adoption.
Anyone implying my daughter isn’t truly mine should be prepared for my intense disdain. That’s not an opinion—it’s a fundamental truth of family.
Admittedly, most people align with the three quiet wheels. They simply accept families as they are. Especially among Christians, being adopted into Christ’s family mirrors this acceptance. My extended family has embraced my daughter wholeheartedly, even though, unfortunately, I cannot say the same for all of my ex's relatives. This isn’t to criticize my ex—he adores our daughter and has always cherished her.
Parenting through adoption wasn’t easier than pregnancy or birth. The experiences mirrored each other in unexpected ways, including the discomforts of morning sickness compared to a bout of food poisoning—a testament to parenthood's unpredictability.
In one of our final home studies, my boys summed it up perfectly when asked how they felt about their sister joining the family differently. Their pragmatic response—acknowledging their cesarean, VBAC, and adoption entries—underlined a beautiful truth: It's differences that unite us as family.
Thanks for reading!
Have you faced difficulties being accepted in your family or struggled to accept a new family member? How can you facilitate that acceptance? Should you need guidance with such challenges, feel free to reach out to me at humorinchaos@gmail.com for an appointment.
Warmly,
Sarah
Humor In Chaos
Emal: Humor In Chaos
Photo courtesy of J. Serrano
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