Internal Mental Programming in the Gun Debate

It’s the day after the shooting at Annunciation Catholic Church in Minneapolis. I used to live not far from that area of the Richfield/Minneapolis area in Brooklyn Park. My heart is so broken. Church, synagogue, temple, mosque - everyone should be safe in their chosen place of worship, including in their home.

I’m waiting for the crazies and the bots to come out and start with the victim blaming. Attacking LGBTQ, people with mental health issues, religious people, parents especially moms, etc. The personal attacks will come. They have already started on Threads.

What is really needed is love and grace, forgiveness, and patience. And yes, some sort of legislation. What that looks like, I haven’t a clue. Anti-gun and for-gun advocates have already drawn the battle lines. I have ambiguous feelings myself. I can see each side has cause for their stance. We’ve been close to a middle ground before that went nowhere. Children are still being senselessly killed. Will there ever be a solution? I have faith one exists. Learning and working in a school setting shouldn't have to come with hazard pay.

I want to go ahead and put on a spotlight as the mudslinging begins: our own mental programming. There will be accusations online and verbal that will begin with: you’ve been programmed to believe… Often, that statement is followed by accusations against religiosity in some form or another, especially given this shooting happened to students in a church.

Whenever the question of programming comes up in any scenario, it’s most often an accusation that a person has been religiously programmed by their parents in some incorrect way. At times, that is true. Cannot deny that happens. But the concept of programming is much more widespread than that, which is one of the reasons why I flinch when mothers are vehemently and solely blamed for the behavior of their children, especially their adult children. Not that the mother doesn’t play a huge role. Of course parenting is key. But she is not the only influence. Sometimes, she’s one of the victims as well. 

Other influences include fathers, grandparents, teachers, coaches, television, social media, peer pressure, bosses, and bad influences from childhood through adulthood. This is not the entire list.

As a coach, I have encountered mothers at their wits end unable to find support when they see their child go off course from what they are trying to teach. Instead, they get blamed for a train wreck they alone attempted to stop. No one helped them.

Programming, aka pre-conceived notions, the type of personal mental programming I am attempting to describe in this blog post, goes way beyond religious beliefs. It’s really about what’s important to an individual. Personal programming is about the importance of money, status, family bonds, respect of others especially those who are in societal margins, etc. This list is also too long for this post because it is endless.

I ask everyone that as we continue down this path of “what do we do to end this senseless violence?” to take time to consider how we are personally programmed in dealing with those around us, and how we take those questions with us in all of our personal relationships, family, friends, and others.

What is my programming about respecting others? What is my programming about the opposing political party? What is my programming about my own morals and values system around money, status, and treatment of those in my circle? Am I programmed to always be right no matter what - win at all costs? Am I programmed to quiet my voice because I am not important enough to have a voice? How am I programmed about gun rights, ways of parenting, people with disabilities? What are my pre-conceived notions about attire, careers, personal responsibility, and so much more? What do I believe about the mental health resources in our country that may or may not be true? What do I really know about domestic violence?

Society today is filled with political strife, broken homes, detached relationships, addictions, fake AI videos that are harder and harder to separate from truth, and worse.

We also have a great deal to be grateful for. We have freedom of speech and freedom of religion. We have the ability, at least today we do, to speak our minds. Better yet, we have the ability should we choose to use it to listen and to hold the hand of someone who is hurting. We can be a light to others in turmoil.

There is one solid foundation from which all conversations can begin: we all want this violence to come to an end. That makes the end goal achievable. How can we further it along? As we begin, start within. How am I helping to move the conversation along? Am I offering constructive insight? Am I doing more listening than speaking? Am I looking at facts or justifications? Am I keeping the end goal in view? Am I working towards a partnership to find a solution?

These conversations don't only belong in the political stage. They begin at home with those most important to us. I was reminded of this on my morning walk when I was told to be aware of my surroundings. There is no such thing as a 100% safe space in the world.

This ongoing, necessary debate is fraught with personal relationship dangers in all walks of life here in America. Please, stop and ponder. Consider how you may be unknowingly, or knowingly, programming someone else who is watching and listening to you. We are not just programmed. We are also programmers. We all play a role. Who’s watching and learning from you? How are your pre-conceived notions adding to or taking away from the current conversation and helping to change the direction to a better future for our children and grandchildren?

Thank you for reading,

Sarah

Humor In Chaos

Send me an email at humorinchaos@gmail.com

Find me at www.humorinchaos.com where you can also find my Humor In Chaos Podcast.

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