If you haven't read my blog post from August 21, 2023, or want a reminder, here is the link: https://www.humorinchaos.com/post/dating-and-false-advertising. Reading that first will put you into the right frame of mind for this post.
In part I, I stated that I had tried a dating app briefly and then deleted it. Well, after watching someone I know attempt more than one app, I decided to give it a try. Here are my thoughts and experiences.
I decided to give it a try not because the person I know had a favorable experience. Quite the opposite. This person, a Gen Z, had a fair to poor experience. Fair in that they did make a couple of distant friends. Poor in that their experience has pretty much been the same as mine.
I joined two different websites, Match and CatholicMatch. I am Catholic, and my religion is important to me. I thought maybe I would find like-minded people. I went on a handful of dates. I saw one person for about two months. Then he ghosted me for some unknown reason. I think he thought I was seeing someone else too. I was not. I don't do that. I date one at a time, which I thought he would know since a previous gentleman I saw once called me when I was with this man. He heard me directly tell him that I was not available because I was seeing someone I was sitting next to. I didn't hide it. Nothing. And another man, a friend only, texted me. I didn't hide that at all either. I was entirely honest. Thing is, he repeatedly stated into the air that all people lie. That tells me all I need to know which is that he has zero trust. He has probably had his heart broken multiple times and was unwilling to discuss that and heal from it. That's too bad. I've had my heart repeatedly broken as well. I don't lump all men into one category.
I'm trying not to lump all men on apps into one category either, but it wasn't a good experience.
Many of the profiles are nothing more than phishing scammers or bots with hijacked photos and spoofed phone numbers to get personal information to steal money. That's it. And they definitely prey on those they suspect of being the most broken hearted.
Why don't these apps fight fire with fire? How about developing better AI tools to weed out these scammers? I'm sure the technology is available. It's getting well-used on the scammer side. The added issue is it makes me and probably others truly suspicious of profiles that are legit.
Another observation I have is the amount of men who say they want a real relationship but then are disappointed when they can't find a Bay Watch era Pamela Anderson. If they happen to find one who is at least close, plus are remarkably younger than them, they drop them asap when they see that the makeup has been removed as Pamela Anderson is more often today. I applaud her for this. I think she looks better than ever, and I admire her realism. Some men have no idea what to think of this change in women's styles.
Let's not forget the men who will have nothing to do with women who have children, who have chronic health conditions, who have short hair, who have debts they are paying off, who are not virgins at the age of thirty and above, who know how to change a lightbulb for themselves, or women who know how to use their vocal chords. In other words, men who don't want a real woman who has a real life.
Are there good men out there? Absolutely. Unfortunately, some of them seem to be afraid to try. I can't say as I blame them. There has been a great deal of male bashing these days without enough posts on what men are doing right. I am right in there as well asking men to please step up, evolve, and be better. How? Who will they listen to? Where should they look to gain insight? Are us women capable of meeting them half-way as we all work on ourselves? I can understand their apprehensions.
Finally, there are the roosters struttin' their stuff ready to say or do anything to get a lay and get lost. (Insert eye roll here.) The worst part is that they think they are the definition of healthy manhood.
The healthy men - where are they? I haven't found them on the apps I've been on. I feel like I'm yelling down a dry well, "Where are you? Who are you?"
Are things any better from the other side? I don't know. I don't date women. I would guess not. Women I know are on guard. They have to be for reasons of personal safety. That need does create walls against getting to know a real person. Many of us have been hurt, betrayed, broken, and are apprehensive and distrusting as a result.
This isn't just a Gen X problem. As I said, the person I know who is on Tinder and Bumble is Gen Z. They are having similar issues, but from a more relaxed perspective as none of them seem interested in finding a spouse unlike the Gen X men. It's laughable given that Gen X women I talk to who are divorced are not looking for another husband. That's another entire divide with nothing but a flimsy rope bridge to connect. I will say this. I am finding people who do want to evolve from all sides. Men and women, all generations.
Personally, when the month I paid for is over, I am going to delete my accounts. I don't want to dash anyone's hopes of finding love on an app. There is hope for the future so long as people, men and women, all generations, continue to strive for growth. Maybe, someday, we will look back on this period of time as a time of reset and renewal between the sexes.
In the meantime, while I do enjoy going out on dates again at this stage of my life, I am more than content being on my own. It is true that it's better to be alone rather than be with someone who may love you from the outside but doesn't have a clue who you are on the inside, and doesn't want to put in the effort to find out. No thanks!
Would I ever marry again? There is the trite, "If I found the right one." Hm. I think I already did. He opted himself out of that position. I don't think I can answer that question. I know all too well that one never knows what's right around the corner. I want to stay open to whatever comes my way if it's supposed to happen. If I do, I doubt he will come from a dating app.
If you are single, how is your dating life? If you are married, how do you date your spouse?
Thanks for reading!
Sarah
Humor In Chaos
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