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Egotistical Hypocrisy




I have this friend who is remodeling her home herself with her own two hands. She knows how to tear down walls, she uses a hammer and nails properly, she does the tape and drywall, she lays tile, she paints the walls - you name it, she does it. On top of that, she's a beautiful blonde with kids, dogs, a job, and gorgeous eyelashes. Yes, I said eyelashes. She's intelligent, diligent, talented, beautiful, and strong in her personal value system. She is a very attractive woman. I marvel at her. Heck, I'm downright jealous of her.


I was thinking about her last night when I went to bed about how she is one of the most complete women I have ever known. She got me to thinking about the hypocrisy in our society on how we define the perfect woman. Yes, hypocrisy. It's everywhere, and it starts in our homes.


In my efforts to study people for characters, I have been studying this friend of mine who knows how to do it all. She is a woman capable of being a true equal to any man. We live in a society right now demanding equal rights, equal treatment, equal everything. Here is this woman who embodies the capacity of a woman who can do pretty much anything a man can do and be a beautiful woman with gorgeous eyelashes to boot. She's got it all! She should be lauded as the perfect example.


And yet, she made me think about relationship books that lead women to believe that they cannot be that way in order to keep a man. Relationship books written for women, mostly by women, tell women how to handle things that need fixing around the house a very different way, especially Christian based books written from the 50s to the present. They give this formula: the wife should state the need to the husband at the appropriate time after he has been fed, is relaxed with a drink after a long day, and is ready for a short burst or two of conversation. State the need once, and then wait for however long it takes whether it be seconds to years for him to get to it. That way, you are respecting his manhood. If you do it yourself, you are being disrespectful of his role, so keep to your role of a traditional housewife even if you work a job.


This model disrespects her womanhood. Whether she works in the home or out of the home, she has probably also had a tiring day. I'd bet she isn't asking for something frivolous. It's probably something she needs handled sooner than later. Yet, she is expected to be painfully patient. Why? For his ego.


For society to be truly egalitarian for the sexes and genders, egos have got to be abandoned.


Here is another situation I observed from years ago. I wasn't a writer yet and didn't realize I was studying characters, but I was. Back in the early 2000s, I was a part of a Christian group of friends/business associates. We were at the home of a couple who was very much trying to marshal all of us into the doors of their favorite church to lead Christian lives as they believed everyone should, 1950s traditional and evangelical. Our children were there with us at this gathering as well.


One of the toddlers from a married couple in attendance accidentally got locked into a back bedroom down in the basement. When he couldn't get out, he started screaming. It didn't take long for everyone in attendance to know what had happened when the mother's screams matched the child's. Both were hysterical.


There were well over a dozen men and a dozen women at this gathering. Within moments, all were downstairs taking their positions. The women were in one half of the living area trying to comfort the mother while panicking themselves, while the men were all gathered together at the door trying to figure out how to open it without doing too much damage to the door frame. Problem was, the man who owned the house was not a handyman at all, but it was his house. Therefore, the men who were handy were too protective of his ego to simply step in and fix the situation.


The homeowner was trying to be the big man except he didn't have a clue what to do. Some of the women knew what to do - get something like a thin screwdriver or long nail file and pop the lock. A couple of men knew that too. Long story short, that child was in that room for way longer than necessary due to the "need" to protect the egos of the men, particularly the homeowner husband.


I was part of that group of people, and I was happy on the surface, but deep down, I hated it. I felt I was being held back. I wasn't allowed to speak my peace, express my opinions, be an equal human being because I was a woman. That's not right. I know other women felt the same. I knew what to do. I knew how to pop that lock. I did it all the time in my own home built the same year as this home, same door handles. I wasn't the only one. Plus, at least a couple of the men were in home construction but were pressured to remain silent. Ego won out over experience. Yay...


Eventually, one of those men saved the day by telling the home owner what to do. The mother was so upset that it took so long. I didn't blame her.


My handywoman friend - I admire her so much. Besides her handywork abilities, she is also very intelligent, articulate, feminine, in control of herself, loving, spiritual, and lovely. When it comes to traits of attractiveness, she has it all! If she had been in that room, she would have been silenced right along with the rest of us women.


Does society value women? Not in my opinion. The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, The Kardashians (although they have wonderful business acumen), and action films with the one token female who happens to be multitalented and can still whip up a pot roast with a moments notice, all prove to me that our still male dominated society has a messed up view of womanhood.


On the other hand, there are the sitcoms where the father in a family dynamic is written as a total doofus who couldn't find a spatula if his life depended on it. That's just as bad. And our boys are being taught masculinity is a bad word. That's exchanging one gender hypocrisy with another. Respect isn't just a men's need. It's a human need. A need that needs proper defining and constant practice.


What's my solution? I haven't got one. I'm just as much stuck in the quagmire as everyone else. I'm asking us to be more observant, learn, do better, and strive to raise our children of all genders to be as handy as any man from the 20th Century. I say this as a mature woman who cannot change a tire.


Are you a handywoman? Do you find your abilities accepted or unaccepted by societal definitions of genders especially in a more gender fluid world that seems to be struggling with changing definitions of everything? By the way, I'm all for the changes. We aren't human if we aren't evolving and growing.


Care to share your experience or ask a question? Shoot me an email at humorinchaos@gmail.com.


Thanks for reading!


Sarah

 

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